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19 October 2011
halloween town
halloween is just around the corner. every year i stress over what i'm going to be. i like to be as creative as possible. here's a pic of justin and me from halloween 2008- goth raggedy ann and andy. last year i was a carebear. this year, who knows? i'm open to ideas. what are you dressing up as this year? what was your favorite costume growing up?
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02 February 2011
blah
that is all. i hate my new layout, but at least it's a change from the neon yellow and orange. ah well....i'll play with it more later i suppose.
27 October 2009
When Just Everything Matters
Heart pounding.
Faster. Harder.
Bam!Bam!Bam!
Against my chest.
It's that intense.
Knees weak.
Gasping for breath.
I reach out.
And the world is a blur.
Tunnel vision.
White noise.
A kaleidoscopic mix of feelings.
All I see is you.
So very dizzy.
Pushing through the fog.
The brush of your hand on mine.
Electric.
Your hot breath against my lips.
An instant.
A soft whisper.
Sends chills.
A promise.
You're gone.
And I awake.
Faster. Harder.
Bam!Bam!Bam!
Against my chest.
It's that intense.
Knees weak.
Gasping for breath.
I reach out.
And the world is a blur.
Tunnel vision.
White noise.
A kaleidoscopic mix of feelings.
All I see is you.
So very dizzy.
Pushing through the fog.
The brush of your hand on mine.
Electric.
Your hot breath against my lips.
An instant.
A soft whisper.
Sends chills.
A promise.
You're gone.
And I awake.
31 August 2009
I hate myself for loving you.....how true
Part of me wishes I'd never met you. Sometimes. People always say it will hurt less the next time, but that's just a lie, at least for me. How can I be so stupid? You say you love me (as a friend), that I'm such a wonderful person, blah, blah, blah, BLAH. It's just noise. There's definitely something fundamentally wrong with you. You say there's no chemistry between us. Love is not fireworks and music playing every time you see someone. It's not the Hollywood ideal at all. Love is being there for each other when times are hard, seeing someone at their worst and still wanting to be near them, caring, laughing, being silly, being best friends, wanting what is best for someone even if it's not what's best for you. We have that. Why do you get mad when someone tries to set me up on a date? Why do you get pissed off when I talk to a guy I dated 7 years ago? Why, why why?!?! If you don't want to be with me, then you have to let me be with someone who does. You say you're my best friend. If that's true, then you should want me to find the perfect person. The person who does want to be with me. The person who loves me no matter what. A best friend would tell me that you're just using me as a companion and that I deserve better. A best friend would want to kick your ass for allowing me to feel the way I do. For being selfish enough to say you don't want me, but then get angry if someone else does. All these mixed signals and gray areas have really taken me to dark place. A place I thought I had escaped when I met you. I thought God brought us together for a reason. I trusted you with my heart, with the darkest secrets in my soul, with everything I had, and you have destroyed me. I know this doesn't sound fair or rational. It's how I feel. I know I haven't done anything wrong, other than be a fool. All I want is for you to be happy. If I don't make you happy, then why do you keep me around? Why don't you just let me go? I could understand better if we'd only ever been friends, but it's as if we've had a relationship in reverse. The end result is ultimately the same though. I get hurt. It's not fair. You should be hurting as much as me. We've been inseparable for over a year and for what? If you just wanted a friend, you should have said that then. I may have liked you, but I would've gotten over it. Instead, you let me go on thinking that one day maybe something might grow from it. You call me your girlfriend to your co-workers, "because it's easier than explaining". Your family calls me your girlfriend. Your friends call me your girlfriend. Everyone says we're such a great couple. Everyone sees it, but YOU. This sucks, because we're not a couple, and we haven't had a fight and "broken up". A break-up is one thing. I could cry and ignore your phone calls and go get drunk with my friends. This isn't like that though. You're the friend whose shoulder I want to cry on. Who do I turn to? And if we don't "break up", what becomes of us? My feelings aren't going to go away. They're real and raw and ever present. I don't know if I can just be your friend. The thought of seeing you with someone else breaks me. I'll never be able to put all of myself into a relationship with someone else as long as you're around either, because I'll always wonder 'what if'. I'll wonder if I'd just waited a little longer, maybe you were starting to realize you wanted to be with me. And 'is he going to get mad' and any number of other things, because that's how my twisted mind works. I feel like I can't let you go, but I so desperately need to. I wish you would just end it. One way or another. Put me out of my misery please. I've really never hated myself more.
18 May 2009
19 January 2009
A Drum Major for Peace
In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I would like to post an excerpt from one of his sermons. He truly was an inspirational man.
The following words were part of a sermon given by Dr. King at the Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia, on February 4, 1968.
I know a man — and I just want to talk about him a minute, and maybe you will discover who I'm talking about as I go down the way (Yeah) because he was a great one. And he just went about serving. He was born in an obscure village, (Yes, sir) the child of a poor peasant woman. And then he grew up in still another obscure village, where he worked as a carpenter until he was thirty years old. (Amen) Then for three years, he just got on his feet, and he was an itinerant preacher. And he went about doing some things. He didn't have much. He never wrote a book. He never held an office. He never had a family. (Yes) He never owned a house. He never went to college. He never visited a big city. He never went two hundred miles from where he was born. He did none of the usual things that the world would associate with greatness. He had no credentials but himself.
He was only thirty-three when the tide of public opinion turned against him. They called him a rabble-rouser. They called him a troublemaker. They said he was an agitator. (Glory to God) He practiced civil disobedience; he broke injunctions. And so he was turned over to his enemies and went through the mockery of a trial. And the irony of it all is that his friends turned him over to them. (Amen) One of his closest friends denied him. Another of his friends turned him over to his enemies. And while he was dying, the people who killed him gambled for his clothing, the only possession that he had in the world. (Lord help him) When he was dead he was buried in a borrowed tomb, through the pity of a friend.
Nineteen centuries have come and gone and today he stands as the most influential figure that ever entered human history. All of the armies that ever marched, all the navies that ever sailed, all the parliaments that ever sat, and all the kings that ever reigned put together (Yes) have not affected the life of man on this earth (Amen) as much as that one solitary life. His name may be a familiar one. (Jesus) But today I can hear them talking about him. Every now and then somebody says, "He's King of Kings." (Yes) And again I can hear somebody saying, "He's Lord of Lords." Somewhere else I can hear somebody saying, "In Christ there is no East nor West." (Yes) And then they go on and talk about, "In Him there's no North and South, but one great Fellowship of Love throughout the whole wide world." He didn't have anything. (Amen) He just went around serving and doing good.
This morning, you can be on his right hand and his left hand if you serve. (Amen) It's the only way in.
Every now and then I guess we all think realistically (Yes, sir) about that day when we will be victimized with what is life's final common denominator—that something that we call death. We all think about it. And every now and then I think about my own death and I think about my own funeral. And I don't think of it in a morbid sense. And every now and then I ask myself, "What is it that I would want said?" And I leave the word to you this morning.
If any of you are around when I have to meet my day, I don’t want a long funeral. And if you get somebody to deliver the eulogy, tell them not to talk too long. (Yes) And every now and then I wonder what I want them to say. Tell them not to mention that I have a Nobel Peace Prize—that isn’t important. Tell them not to mention that I have three or four hundred other awards—that’s not important. Tell them not to mention where I went to school. (Yes)
I'd like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to give his life serving others. (Yes)
I'd like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to love somebody.
I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war question. (Amen)
I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry. (Yes)
And I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked. (Yes)
I want you to say on that day that I did try in my life to visit those who were in prison. (Lord)
I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity. (Yes)
Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major, say that I was a drum major for justice. (Amen) Say that I was a drum major for peace. (Yes) I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shallow things will not matter. (Yes) I won't have any money to leave behind. I won't have the fine and luxurious things of life to leave behind. But I just want to leave a committed life behind. (Amen) And that's all I want to say.
The following words were part of a sermon given by Dr. King at the Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia, on February 4, 1968.
I know a man — and I just want to talk about him a minute, and maybe you will discover who I'm talking about as I go down the way (Yeah) because he was a great one. And he just went about serving. He was born in an obscure village, (Yes, sir) the child of a poor peasant woman. And then he grew up in still another obscure village, where he worked as a carpenter until he was thirty years old. (Amen) Then for three years, he just got on his feet, and he was an itinerant preacher. And he went about doing some things. He didn't have much. He never wrote a book. He never held an office. He never had a family. (Yes) He never owned a house. He never went to college. He never visited a big city. He never went two hundred miles from where he was born. He did none of the usual things that the world would associate with greatness. He had no credentials but himself.
He was only thirty-three when the tide of public opinion turned against him. They called him a rabble-rouser. They called him a troublemaker. They said he was an agitator. (Glory to God) He practiced civil disobedience; he broke injunctions. And so he was turned over to his enemies and went through the mockery of a trial. And the irony of it all is that his friends turned him over to them. (Amen) One of his closest friends denied him. Another of his friends turned him over to his enemies. And while he was dying, the people who killed him gambled for his clothing, the only possession that he had in the world. (Lord help him) When he was dead he was buried in a borrowed tomb, through the pity of a friend.
Nineteen centuries have come and gone and today he stands as the most influential figure that ever entered human history. All of the armies that ever marched, all the navies that ever sailed, all the parliaments that ever sat, and all the kings that ever reigned put together (Yes) have not affected the life of man on this earth (Amen) as much as that one solitary life. His name may be a familiar one. (Jesus) But today I can hear them talking about him. Every now and then somebody says, "He's King of Kings." (Yes) And again I can hear somebody saying, "He's Lord of Lords." Somewhere else I can hear somebody saying, "In Christ there is no East nor West." (Yes) And then they go on and talk about, "In Him there's no North and South, but one great Fellowship of Love throughout the whole wide world." He didn't have anything. (Amen) He just went around serving and doing good.
This morning, you can be on his right hand and his left hand if you serve. (Amen) It's the only way in.
Every now and then I guess we all think realistically (Yes, sir) about that day when we will be victimized with what is life's final common denominator—that something that we call death. We all think about it. And every now and then I think about my own death and I think about my own funeral. And I don't think of it in a morbid sense. And every now and then I ask myself, "What is it that I would want said?" And I leave the word to you this morning.
If any of you are around when I have to meet my day, I don’t want a long funeral. And if you get somebody to deliver the eulogy, tell them not to talk too long. (Yes) And every now and then I wonder what I want them to say. Tell them not to mention that I have a Nobel Peace Prize—that isn’t important. Tell them not to mention that I have three or four hundred other awards—that’s not important. Tell them not to mention where I went to school. (Yes)
I'd like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to give his life serving others. (Yes)
I'd like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to love somebody.
I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war question. (Amen)
I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry. (Yes)
And I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked. (Yes)
I want you to say on that day that I did try in my life to visit those who were in prison. (Lord)
I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity. (Yes)
Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major, say that I was a drum major for justice. (Amen) Say that I was a drum major for peace. (Yes) I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shallow things will not matter. (Yes) I won't have any money to leave behind. I won't have the fine and luxurious things of life to leave behind. But I just want to leave a committed life behind. (Amen) And that's all I want to say.
18 December 2008
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